When someone asks for your advice, it should be taken with great honor and care. Unfortunately, many people do not know how to offer advice without coming off as judgmental or insensitive. Have you ever given someone advice and it just made them more stand-offish or they avoided you altogether? Despite our best efforts and good intentions, this happens to almost all of us. In this article, I’m going to show you how to give better advice and get the person to actually listen and use it.
1 – Don’t Be The Answer Man
The first thing you need to do to give better advice is to understand that you are not the answer man. Even if you’ve been in the same situation in the past, your experience and the choices you made may not be the answer for them. Everyone and every situation is different. This also takes the pressure off of you because you don’t have the expectation of giving the correct answer. You can focus on what the other person is saying instead of trying to figure out a solution.
2 – Avoid Judging
Keep an open mind when someone is asking for advice. They may have made bone-head decisions but avoid any sort of judgement. We all come from different backgrounds and situations so give them the benefit of the doubt. If they feel you are judging them in any way, they will immediately shut down and probably never ask for advice again.
3 – Listen
Another great way to give better advice is to be a great listener. Really focus on what the other person is saying. Try to summarize what they are saying to you. This will help you really understand where they are coming from plus it shows them that you really care about the situation. A great tip is to imagine that you’ll have to teach what they are saying to someone else. This will help you stay focused and will encourage you to ask questions which will build more trust and understanding between the two of you.
4 Tips To Be a Better Listener
4 – Don’t Preach
You should avoid preaching at all costs. Never use sentences that begin with “You should…” or “Why aren’t you…” Never talk at them. Include them in the discussion.
5 – Collaborate
Work together to find good solutions. ideally you want them to find their own answers because they will be more willing to follow through. Most of the time, they know what they should do anyway. They are just looking for confirmation and a shoulder to lean on. Use questions like, “What do you think if you did….”, “What could you do different?” , “What would you like to happen?” These types of questions encourages them to come up with answers and makes it clear that you are willing to work together with them. You also avoid being preachy or coming off judgmental.
6 – Offer Hope
You don’t have to offer a solution to give better advice but you can offer hope. Let them know that they have a support system in place if they need it.
If you want to be effective at giving sound advice then follow these tips. Make sure you avoid being judgmental, focus on listening, offer hope, collaborate with them, avoid preaching, and don’t expect to come up with a solution. The bottom line is that they want someone to be there for them, and to listen to what they have to say.
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