Whether its a subordinate, colleague or child, its difficult giving criticism without resentment. No one likes to be criticized and when it happens they act to defend themselves. Dale Carnegie, author of How to Win Friends and Influence People says, “Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain – and most fools do. But it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving.” In his book, Carnegie details methods to change people without offending them. Based on this philosophy, here are 5 ways to give constructive criticism without them hating you.
1.) Start the Conversation With Praise
Always start constructive criticism with praise. Show sincere, honest appreciation. Flattery is universally condemned and people can quickly pick up on the insincerity. Honest appreciation will make the person feel valued and respected. Praise helps tear down and prevent walls that may form when the person feels criticized.
2.) Ask. Don’t Command
No one likes to take orders. When someone is told what to do they often feel a sense of resentment. Over time, this resentment can result in a lack of loyalty, trust, and productive work. A better option would be to rephrase your request as a question or a suggestion. Instead of, “you need to do it this way,” you may try, “do you think it would be better this way?” Instead of, “I need you to give me more detailed numbers in this report”, consider, “may I suggest adding more detail to this report?” By simply restating your request, you not only avoid resentment, but you promote teamwork. Giving constructive criticism in this manner empowers the person by giving them a sense of control. You ask, they provide you with answers. You suggest, they take it upon themselves to act.
3.) Recognize Improvements
As humans, we all want recognition and praise. We thrive to get it. With this in mind, be sure to recognize even the smallest improvement and make a big deal out of every accomplishment. You shouldn’t sit and talk with someone only when they need improvement. Applaud all improvement. I suggest going the extra mile and recognizing people in front of their peers. This not only gives people the recognition they desire, but it shows how important they are to the team.
4.) Give Them a Good Reputation to Fulfill
Project a positive view of the person. For example, by saying something like “Tom you are such a prompt, detailed oriented salesperson, I know we will exceed our expected quota this year.” After hearing this, Tom will want to live up to this reputation and will not want to be disloyal to this view you have of him. This technique is also powerful dealing with those who carry a negative reputation. By presenting an opposite view of the person that they may be otherwise use to hearing, it will motivate them to live up to that reputation.
5.) Make Mistakes Seem Easy to Fix
Emphasizing mistakes easily discourages a person. Telling someone that they are doing something all wrong will instantly destroy any motivation to improve. On the other hand, showing confidence in someone’s ability to fix mistakes encourages them. Make the mistake seem like something they can easily correct. Doing so will increase their determination to improve.
When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but with creatures bristling with prejudice and motivated by pride and vanity.- Dale Carnegie
People are emotional by nature so in order to give effective constructive criticism you must keep this in mind. The 5 ways to give constructive criticism mentioned above will help not only avoid resentment but will promote teamwork and motivation to improve. Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People is an excellent resource. I highly recommend reading this book as a means of self improvement.
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